Tested Faith

I have been prepared emotionally, and spiritually for this new trail.  I have not however,  done so well in preparing financially.  I have been let go, laid-off, dismissed from my job.  This wasn't a surprise as I sensed it was coming for some time.  The signs were all there: the resume that appeared in the admin folder, my supervisor, (who never spoke much to me anyway), really limited her contact and communication with me, and most importantly, God spoke to me.  So it was no surprise when one of the company owners, (with whom I have Never had any interaction other than a brief "hello" in passing), asked me to come to his office with my supervisor in tow.  I was basically reminded of how my employment is "at will" meaning I can be let go at any time for any to no reason at all and that I wasn't a fit therefore they were letting me go.  My supervisor sat there and said nothing to me barley looking at me.  After the 'meeting" she went to her office and closed the door.  It didn't take much for me to pack because the Lord had told me the previous week to take as much as I could with me as I left.  I had saved all my work to my flash drive so the only things left were my binder, and my four dishes.  I handed over the office keys and walked out into the dreary rainy day to my freedom.   

In addition to being Freed from that God-less place, I had used a HUGE chunk of my savings to get my car fixed.  For some, being laid off amidst a government shut down and nearly depleting their savings, this would be devastating.  For me, I'm smiling.  I have this great expectation of how God is going to move, and the door(s) He is going to swing wide open for me.  I have full fledged Faith that He will provide for me during this time.  That He will surround me with people who love Him, know Him and will pray on my behalf.

As I move into this transitional stage of my life, I am faithful in my Lord that He will do magnificent things in my life.  I know this is a trial of how I will stay in His word during this time and how I trust in Him to keep, provide, and use me for His glory.  I am excited about this time.  Not sure how else to feel, or react because this is the first time I have ever been laid off, and the first time since college that I do not have a financial cushion.  A financial cushion is what makes me feel comfortable in knowing if anything came up, I can just move money around and take care of it.  This is a first for me.  This will truly test my faith, and open my eyes to how I need to readjust my spending habits once again.    Scripture says in Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  In Isaiah 46:4 Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you. 

In this trial, in this season, there is no choice for me to other than to trust in Him, and keep my Faith in Him not in man.  His word says that things that are impossible with men, are possible with God - Luke 18:27.

"Faith is seeing the invisible, believing in the unbelievable, and receiving the impossible"

Nikki J.

Set Apart

In fourth grade, my two close friends at the time said to my face with their arms looped in one another's that they were no longer my friend.  The feeling you get when you're flying and the plane suddenly takes a dip and your hearts drops for a second into your stomach was now mine.  I felt so left out, and my feelings were hurt.  The girls who were my friends the previous day, were no longer my friends.  The rest of the week went on so did their exclusion of me.   From associating with me during recess, lunch, and any other activity we all use to part take in, including after school hangout sessions I was no longer invited.  Not sure if WC, who made MJ's and my duo into a trio was the cause for the new found meanness, regardless, it made me feel bad.  Eventually fourth grade was over, I had survived and with new friends to carry over into the fifth grade.  The experience shaped me, my thinking, and behavior.  I carried with me throughout high school, college and even today the importance of:

1).   enjoying my own company,
2).  having multiple groups of friends who don't know each other,
3).  being a Christian woman in this world often means being rejected and alone because
       God has set me apart for His glory.

The past is just a part of my life's history lesson.  There is no going back to fix or change things, I can only shape the future.  Presently, as a grown woman, there are times through the week,  (note I said times as in plural, or multiple, or more than once) I feel like my fourth grade self.

My work team is a small one.  There are seven members of the team, 5 of which actually work in the same office.  They are blatantly rude and purposely leave people out.  They gossip, and back talk people and at times will invite each other out to lunch in front of other people.  (I was taught that if you only want to invite one person to do something, you don't do it in front of those whom you wish not to invite... I guess I was the only one who learned that lesson).  Quite frankly, ever since I started working here 2 years and 5 months ago, I have not cared to be around them.  Whenever my supervisor, who is also a part of this clique says "I feel like you're in your own world." I cringe and bubble inside like I was a shaken soda bottle ready to explode when the top is twisted off..  I wonder to myself how she can say that when she has made NO effort include me.  There have been emails between my team, in which I was left off and only included when one of the teleworkers responds and sees I have been left off the email communications.  How can I be apart of their world, when I am left out on what is supposed to be shared information.  Better yet, how can she think I would trust her or anyone else on my team knowing how bad they talk about people and spread everyone's business.   

It doesn't make sense, nor does it make sense why I feel so left out when my office mate and other two co-workers all walk out together.  The feelings I had in fourth grade resurface and it's not the feeling of being hurt, but more so the feelings of rejection.  REJECTION! 

No one likes being rejected whether from a job for which you applied/interviewed, being cut from a sports team, by a girlfriend/boyfriend, anything.  It's not a good feeling.  Those days they walk out to lunch laughing and over talking each other, the sting of rejection pinches my feelings. 

The way I remove the sting of rejection is by reminding myself that Jesus faced rejection when He walked the earth, and still today He is rejected.  (Isaiah 53:3).  People rejected Jesus' teachings, Peter denied Him,(Matthew 26:69-74) and Judas betrayed Him (Matthew 26:14-16; Matthew 26:47-49).  Jesus was mocked, humiliated, He endured horror, rejection and He died sinless. (Matthew 26:1--74, Matthew 27:1:56).

Now the rejection I feel, is no where near what Jesus' experienced.  There is no comparison.  As a Christian woman who works in an office where so many people reject the Lord I cannot allow others behavior to change, or get me to reduce myself to behaving like them.  Jesus is the light, and if Jesus dwells in my heart,  I am the light.  In fact He tells us to let our light (Him) shine before men, that they may see our good works, and glorify our Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).  If I am to let my light shine before these people I cannot let their actions dictate how I behave.  I cannot fight unrighteousness by being unrighteous, evil with evil, rude behavior with rude behavior, meanness with meanness (Romans 12:2).  Before I walk around my office, I have to sit at my desk and pray before I step away.  I have to ask God to give me strength to speak cheerfully, give a smile be the bigger person.  It would be easier to just walk around and NOT say anything, after all, that's how they do me.  Even when I speak to certain people, (I mean there is only two of us in the hallway making eye contact), and they say nothing back, I have to keep wearing a smile, try not to suck my teeth and roll my eyes or say "I know you heard me.  When someone speaks to you, you speak back.  No need to be rude or stank!" or something else that's not of God.  Trust, if I was my old college days self, they would've received a verbal beat down with a  few choice words and unkind statements.  It's a challenge EVERYDAY, and when I slip, like a child who knows they've done wrong, I have to repent to my Father and say, "I know that was not of you, and I am sorry."  I know it's a test.  He put me in this job, in this office; He's given me these co-workers for a reason.  I am in this place because I am His child, and I have submitted to Him to do His work, to be His mouthpiece, His missionary.  I am the only one in His office who has faith, trust, and living a life to please Him.  I am set apart from my co-workers for a reason.  Life is easy to smile, and be kind to other Christians to show love to other Christians.  Hey it's easy to show love, and kindness to people even if they weren't Christian, but they were kind, friendly, and weren't so mean.  That's is where the test for me lies.  He is testing me to be loving, kind, gentle, show empathy, and be His light.  Being set apart, doesn't mean to ignore or retaliate the treatment I receive in my office.  Being set apart still requires me to be obedient to my Father in heaven and love my co-workers despite them being unlovable (John 13:34-35).   This is no easy commandment, but it's part of being a lover, and follower of Christ.  This is a part of submitting to His will, willing to go where He's goes, love how He loves, and serve how He serves. 

Now if you'll excuse me,  it's time for me to receive my daily dose of workplace exile, and rejection. 

"I know all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"

 Nikki J.

The Answer

 
In everything I do -every encounter with a person, situation, circumstance- every occurrence in my life, the thought that God brought me to that place is always in the front of my mind.  It’s because of my faith that I think this way.  After all, God is the creator of all things. (Col 1:16) This is not limited to people, and the entire universe, but it also includes the day to day interactions with others, opportunities, jobs, newly found friendships.  He created them all.  Its completely astonishing how God, has done all this planning and creating for EVERY single person in this WORLD!  I'm no mathematician or satiation so I will not try to give you exact numbers, however, in the United States alone, there is over 3 million people.  There are about 3-4 babies born every second.  That’s roughly over 15 thousand babies being born every hour.  Whew. Our God is incredible.  In addition to creating life, He can hear the prayer of every person He created whether out loud, in our hearts or silent.  He even hears, and knows about the prayers we don’t even speak.  

I digress. My movements and goings about are planned, yet adaptable to how He will move me.  That is not saying that when my plans don't go accordingly, I am easy breezy aye O-Kay with it.  I’m human, I get annoyed, however, I am quickly reminded that God could be saving, or keeping me from something horrible.  I usually don’t question the adjustment, just shift myself and proceed.  There are times though, like the current season I am  in, where I need a path change, a new arrangement, more specifically a new job, where I start with the questions:  “God where do you need me?” (a selfish petition I must admit)  “God thank you for this job, what lesson do you need me to learn here?” Questions that He has not answered, or rather answered in a response that I have heard. 

God reminded me that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego was in a furnace, in a blazing fire waiting with faith that God will rescue them. (Daniel 3:16-18)  Our faith tested often while we are waiting in the furnace of pain and suffering.  Trials are a test of our faith, and our faith in God’s promises. 

A friend reminded me that in these situations where we do not understand His ways or how He’s moving in our lives that we have two choices:

1.      We can continue to question, and grow wearing without any answers from Him.  We can allow our mind to toss to and fro with question after unanswered questions, after question. 

                                                                                OR

2.      We can surrender to Him, and His ways and accept that his grace is indeed sufficient even if He doesn’t do another thing else for us.  To take the joy that we have in Him and accept a life and actions that are pleasing to Him, even if we don’t received a desired outcome, or answer.

My friend had no idea what has been going on in my life, or the questions I’ve been raising in my mind (but God did and he answered).  The questions, the thoughts, the internal interrogation has been kept to myself and of course yet He knows.  The response He sent to me was from another believer, who shared this message on facebook from Thailand.  Again, it astounds me at how He moves, how He works, how He answers even when we don’t ask out loud, or ask at all.  I love how He gives answers – though not to the questions I have asked- though people, events, things etc.  I believe this is His way of gently shushing me with a bold answer.  The way a mother quiets her anxious child with a soft voice and bold words.  I am not ashamed to admit, that after reading this friends post about our choices during temptation to be unfaithful I wept.  Even as I write this, I do so with tears steadily streaking my cheeks.  He’s so AMAZING!

Psalms 20:4 is a great reminder that even when our questions are not answered, or we don’t received the desired response, that God will give us a desire, and He will then fulfill it. 

 "Faith is seeing the invisible, believing in the unbelievable, and receiving the impossible"

Nikki J.