1). enjoying my own company,
2). having multiple groups of friends who don't know each other,
3). being a Christian woman in this world often means being rejected and alone because
God has set me apart for His glory.
The past is just a part of my life's history lesson. There is no going back to fix or change things, I can only shape the future. Presently, as a grown woman, there are times through the week, (note I said times as in plural, or multiple, or more than once) I feel like my fourth grade self.
My work team is a small one. There are seven members of the team, 5 of which actually work in the same office. They are blatantly rude and purposely leave people out. They gossip, and back talk people and at times will invite each other out to lunch in front of other people. (I was taught that if you only want to invite one person to do something, you don't do it in front of those whom you wish not to invite... I guess I was the only one who learned that lesson). Quite frankly, ever since I started working here 2 years and 5 months ago, I have not cared to be around them. Whenever my supervisor, who is also a part of this clique says "I feel like you're in your own world." I cringe and bubble inside like I was a shaken soda bottle ready to explode when the top is twisted off.. I wonder to myself how she can say that when she has made NO effort include me. There have been emails between my team, in which I was left off and only included when one of the teleworkers responds and sees I have been left off the email communications. How can I be apart of their world, when I am left out on what is supposed to be shared information. Better yet, how can she think I would trust her or anyone else on my team knowing how bad they talk about people and spread everyone's business.
It doesn't make sense, nor does it make sense why I feel so left out when my office mate and other two co-workers all walk out together. The feelings I had in fourth grade resurface and it's not the feeling of being hurt, but more so the feelings of rejection. REJECTION!
No one likes being rejected whether from a job for which you applied/interviewed, being cut from a sports team, by a girlfriend/boyfriend, anything. It's not a good feeling. Those days they walk out to lunch laughing and over talking each other, the sting of rejection pinches my feelings.
The way I remove the sting of rejection is by reminding myself that Jesus faced rejection when He walked the earth, and still today He is rejected. (Isaiah 53:3). People rejected Jesus' teachings, Peter denied Him,(Matthew 26:69-74) and Judas betrayed Him (Matthew 26:14-16; Matthew 26:47-49). Jesus was mocked, humiliated, He endured horror, rejection and He died sinless. (Matthew 26:1--74, Matthew 27:1:56).
Now the rejection I feel, is no where near what Jesus' experienced. There is no comparison. As a Christian woman who works in an office where so many people reject the Lord I cannot allow others behavior to change, or get me to reduce myself to behaving like them. Jesus is the light, and if Jesus dwells in my heart, I am the light. In fact He tells us to let our light (Him) shine before men, that they may see our good works, and glorify our Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16). If I am to let my light shine before these people I cannot let their actions dictate how I behave. I cannot fight unrighteousness by being unrighteous, evil with evil, rude behavior with rude behavior, meanness with meanness (Romans 12:2). Before I walk around my office, I have to sit at my desk and pray before I step away. I have to ask God to give me strength to speak cheerfully, give a smile be the bigger person. It would be easier to just walk around and NOT say anything, after all, that's how they do me. Even when I speak to certain people, (I mean there is only two of us in the hallway making eye contact), and they say nothing back, I have to keep wearing a smile, try not to suck my teeth and roll my eyes or say "I know you heard me. When someone speaks to you, you speak back. No need to be rude or stank!" or something else that's not of God. Trust, if I was my old college days self, they would've received a verbal beat down with a few choice words and unkind statements. It's a challenge EVERYDAY, and when I slip, like a child who knows they've done wrong, I have to repent to my Father and say, "I know that was not of you, and I am sorry." I know it's a test. He put me in this job, in this office; He's given me these co-workers for a reason. I am in this place because I am His child, and I have submitted to Him to do His work, to be His mouthpiece, His missionary. I am the only one in His office who has faith, trust, and living a life to please Him. I am set apart from my co-workers for a reason. Life is easy to smile, and be kind to other Christians to show love to other Christians. Hey it's easy to show love, and kindness to people even if they weren't Christian, but they were kind, friendly, and weren't so mean. That's is where the test for me lies. He is testing me to be loving, kind, gentle, show empathy, and be His light. Being set apart, doesn't mean to ignore or retaliate the treatment I receive in my office. Being set apart still requires me to be obedient to my Father in heaven and love my co-workers despite them being unlovable (John 13:34-35). This is no easy commandment, but it's part of being a lover, and follower of Christ. This is a part of submitting to His will, willing to go where He's goes, love how He loves, and serve how He serves.
Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to receive my daily dose of workplace exile, and rejection.
"I know all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"
Nikki J.
